can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
