butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
