Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
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I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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