my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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