Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
