Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
