did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
