That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
