omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
