whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize