I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
