the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
