I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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