I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
