Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Houston, we have a blender
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
