Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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