Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
