My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize