Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
