I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
