Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
