I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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