Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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