I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
