Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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