Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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