I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
