My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
