ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
