I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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