i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
