I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
