how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
