I want you more than these girls want KFC
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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