This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
