im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
