i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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