I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
