Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Drunk is a universal language darling
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
