is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
