i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
