batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
now i know why i became what i already was.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
