In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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