He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
