I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
