You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
