suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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