The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
