Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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