Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
