I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
