mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
