I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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