So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
