i wish starbucks made bloody marys
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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