Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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