I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
