Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
