i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw a hot homeless man
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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