Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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