I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
