It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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