I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
